New Research suggests being Straight is for Sissies
A new study conducted by New York University suggests that the way society views and has viewed the straight culture, vs the gay culture, might be completely off-base. The norm, which has always been to deem straight men as masculine and tough, displaying qualities of brawny and aggressive nature, might be completely wrong. Just the same, the gay men, who are predominately viewed as effeminate, emotional, passive and tender kissers, might in fact be the manliest men in society.
“It’s really quite simple when you think about it,” said Professor Liam Rechor of the NYU Philosophy Department. “Straight men like women. Women have vaginas. The vagina, as culture and women’s salaries have taught us, is viewed as a symbol of weakness and sub-par power. There’s a reason boys call the weak members of their tribes pussies.”
This logic proves to be absolutely true. Just last week my own nephew called me a stupid vagina after I tripped and fell on some ice. I was successfully offended.
“Gay men, you see, like penis,” continued Rechor. “The penis is thought of as the dominant genetalia. Men are proud and obsessive about their penises, and possess testosterone in their testicles, which is, in a word, manly.”
According to the study, conducted using several straight men who were watched having sex with women, then men, while recording the thought processes of the observers, straight men are thought of more commonly as the “pussies” in the cultural order.
Observer number 5, whose identity is being kept private for safety reasons, said the results were obvious.
“I can sum it all up in one cliché – you are what you eat. I’m not gay, but after this, I’m all about the dick.”
When asked about the shift in power pertaining to the masculinity complex, Professor Rechor said that we as a society would eventually begin to see the shift all around us.
“The straight men will start talking with a sibilant S and will start taking showers more regularly and dressing very well. They will start man-scaping and crying more often, and will pay attention to their wives when they are talking. At the same time, gay men will begin to burp and fart more in public and be douche-bags in bars and clubs, getting into a lot of fights. After fighting another man, they will have sex with them.”
The Crepe 